


Dimensional

by Laora



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor, I'm so sorry I wrote this for a friend who couldn't take HPFMA seriously because of this, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 16:30:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laora/pseuds/Laora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius gets a strange visitor one dreary day at Grimmauld Place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dimensional

Today was a normal, boring day for Sirius Black. It was the beginning of March: not quite close enough to be excited for Easter Break, but just far enough away from Christmas that he could properly mope.

He sat at the kitchen table, staring forlornly at his limp turkey sandwich. He really should learn how to cook…

Then, suddenly, he saw a bright red…something…out of the corner of his eye. Now, for anyone who doesn't know much about Grimmauld Place, it's a rather dark place. There's practically an unspoken rule that  _nothing_  can be bright within its walls. This, of course, was why Sirius turned his head to stare curiously at this new development.

That, and because he was so. Damn. Bored.

There was nothing there.  _Odd,_  Sirius said to himself after a moment of intense staring around the empty room.  _I must be going mad…_

But then, suddenly, someone appeared next to the table with his back to Sirius. Instinctively, the man jumped up, pulling out his wand. How had he Apparated in? There were wards and the Fidelius Charm, not even counting the several unpleasant Dark curses, courtesy of his mother. So how…?

"Who're you?" he finally decided on asking, pointing his wand threateningly at the person.

He seemed to start to turn around, but disappeared momentarily before he was facing Sirius. It was what seemed to be a teenage boy, with blonde hair and a red coat. Sirius couldn't help thinking, though, that there was something… _off_ about him. Then it hit him: the kid was bright,  _ridiculously_  bright, in fact; in addition, his eyes were far too big for his face. Overall, he looked  _exactly_  like those Muggle cartoons Remus had loved so much as a child.

Apparently, somehow, a cartoon character had landed in his kitchen.

_I've gone nuts._

"I could ask you the same question," the boy shot back, his too-large eyes narrowing. Now they were only two times too big for his face. "Where the hell am I? And what's wrong with my vision?"

"When a cartoon lands in my kitchen, I think  _I_  have the right to ask the questions!"

"What did you call me?" The boy's eyes narrowed even more dangerously, but Sirius—thick-headed man that he was—didn't heed the warning signs.

"You're a cartoon! And a shrimpy one, too. I don't think I've ever seen someone so—"

Sirius watched in mild horror as the boy's face seemed to transform. Literally. His mouth turned downward in an impossibly huge scowl, his teeth suddenly turning quite pointy. His eyes grew large again, but the pupils disappeared entirely, which was actually quite frightening. His hair magically (ha) became much spikier, and some sort of strange mark appeared on his forehead.

Sirius couldn't tell if he was supposed to be amused or utterly terrified.

When the boy tried to jump him, though, he kind of…failed. He did succeed in leaping over the table and landing on Sirius, but he didn't really weigh much at all. In fact, Sirius probably wouldn't have even noticed he was there except for the impressive string of curses seemingly coming from his shoulder.

"Gerroff me," the boy growled, not moving an inch.

"You're the one that's flopped onto me," Sirius laughed, but gave the boy a small shove. He went much farther than Sirius had anticipated, though, and nearly flew out the window. Luckily, the wall got in the way.

Suddenly, Sirius made another rather unsettling revelation (one he probably should have realized long ago): "You're two-dimensional?" How in the world could he talk, or breathe, or even  _move_?

"No, you're four-dimensional," the boy snapped back, his earlier anger returning full-force as he struggled to stand up. "And you're  _weird._  Your eyes are so small! And everything's washed out! And—"

" _My_  eyes are  _small_?" Sirius was rather taken aback. "I dunno where you come from, but yours—"

"Idiot! Obviously I'm from a different dimension. I thought we established that," the boy huffed, finally righting himself and—somehow—making his way back to the table. "Your eyes, though…I can't—are you related to  _Mustang_?"

Sirius was rather thrown by the sudden change of topic. "Uh…maybe? My family's huge, and I don't keep in touch with any of them. They're all bastards, see."

"Hmm," he nodded, "Mustang's a bastard, too. You two have got the same hair, and he's got little eyes…he must be half-fourth-dimensional! I always thought he was weird…"

Sirius wasn't sure how two people from different dimensions would go about making a baby—or what it would possibly look like—but he never got the chance to ask the boy. Suddenly, a particularly strong gust of wind came from one open window, blowing straight across the room. It did nothing to Sirius but ruffle his hair a bit, but the two-dimensional boy was not so lucky. He was lifted off the ground and blown clear out the opposite window. Sirius could hear him screaming obscenities as he flew off into the sky, disappearing into a little twinkling spot of light.

The man could only stare for a moment at the place where the kid had been. Then, he shrugged and picked up his—now rather soggy—turkey sandwich and sighed.


End file.
